SpiderMan and His Not So Amazing Friends!
by Jeran
Summary: Parody of the cartoon SpiderMan and His Amazing Friends. Peter, Bobby, and That Girl get in all sorts of situations and such. Like hanging out with the XMen and getting sued by Bruce Wayne.
1. And Sometimes Maybe the Xmen!

Author's note: I wrote this during English..and my annoying teacher (hereby reffered to as Mr. R) kept walking by when I was writing it and I'd flip to the newspaper story I was 'supposedly' writing for class and he caught me flipping pages once and said, "You don't have to hide." And I'm like, "Yes, I do."

And this is based of the show Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends, who aren't actually that amazing, so here you are. The X-men keep showing up, so yeah. And..crap, now I forgot.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but a pineapple and a notebook and a crappy pen. Not any of this.

Announcer (Stan Lee): It's time for an _exciting_ episode of SPIDER-MAN AND HIS not so AMAZING FRIENDS..And sometimes maybe the X-men...

Spider-Man: But hey, it's just all about me.

Iceman: Yeah, you go on believing that one, Spidey.

Wolverine: And _SOMETIMES MAYBE THE X-MEN_? We're on practically every episode, saving your ass, Spider-Man!

(pause)

Cyclops:...FIRESTAR'S A SLUT.

Firestar: No way! I've only gone out with every guy in the X-men..oh and Spider-man and the Hulk and the Thing and Mr. Fantastic and The Human Torch--_what a hottie_-- and Daredevil and Batman...

Beast: Hey, Batman's not even in this universe!

Colossus: Yeah, we already knew that.

Storm: Thanks, Captain Obvious.

Xavier: Wait...aren't we, like, supposed to be doing something?

Kitty Pride: (from the speakerphone) **HELP ME! MAGNETO IS HOLDING ME FOR RANSOM! DIDN'T YOU GET THE MEMO!**

Nightcrawler: Hmm..what's that noise?

Spider-man: I'm hungry.

Kitty: **SAVE ME! HE SAYS HE'S GOING TO FEED ME BROCCOLI IF YOU DON'T PAY THE RANSOM!**

Wolverine: And? So?

Iceman: Who's up for pizza?

Kitty: **I'M ALLERGIC TO BROCOLLI! I'LL DIE**!

Xavier: Chillax, Kitty.

Cyclops: I want pepperoni.

Beast: I'll call Pizza Hut.

Storm: _Ew,_ no. What are you, stupid? Domino's has the best.

Cyclops: Yeah, Beast.

Kitty: **WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING ME! PLEASE--HELP!**

Firestar: Whatever. Get cheese pizza.

Storm: (on the phone) Hello, yes? Domino's? I want 5 large--

Xavier: Make it 7. Magneto's coming over tonight for poker and you know how much he eats..

Spider-Man: No, how much does he eat?  
Xavier: I..that was a..._nevermind_, Spider-Man.

Kitty: **WHAT THE HELL!**

Storm: Okay, 7 pizzas. 4 pepperonis, 1 cheese and--

Wolverine: **_MEAT LOVER'S_**! (growl)

Storm:---right, Meat Lovers...

Storm: _WHAT? $29.99_? (eyes light up) (screams are heard on other end of the phone) $19.99..Don't believe what they say about lightning never striking in the same place twice..(more screams)$9.99 is good, thank you. How long will that be? _60 minutes_ is bit long, don't you think? Something...shocking...might happen...oh, 15 minutes is much better. Thank you. (hangs up)

Beast: Good job, Storm. Your powers of persuasion are unreal.

Storm: Beast. Stop hitting on me! I thought you were gay.

Beast: (shifty eyes) Er..**no**.

Cyclops: Well, everyone thinks so..you know, with that haircut and those clothes and your beautiful brown eyes..

Spider-Man: Hey, whatever happened to that one girl?

Wolverine: Kitty?

(pause)

Xavier: Oh..shit. I forgot to reply to the ransom note..no use trying to save her now, Magneto was always a stickler for time...He said, "10:50, if I don't get the money she's dead."

Spider-Man: What time is it now?

Iceman: 11:00.

Firestar: Oh Iceman** I LOVE YOU**. (starts making out with him)

Beast: That's odd. If she's heat and he's ice, why doesn't he melt?

Wolverine: Who the hell cares, you fag.

Xavier: Where's the pizza?

Announcer: And we leave our hungry heroes in wait for the pizza...

Next time on SPIDERMAN AND HIS NOT SO AMAZING FRIENDS AND SOMETIME MAYBE THE X-MEN!

Juggernaut: (burst open door) I'm the Juggernaut!

Storm: For once it's not Beast who's pointing out the obvious.

AN: Like it, hate it? Whatev. Just.review or sumthin, because hell, I liked this. Yeah. I've got to go watch CSI now..


	2. And More Recently, The Juggernaut!

AN: Ha. Spellcheck doesn't like the word 'firestar'. Spellcheck doesn't even like Spellcheck without the space between spell and check. But hey, live with it, Spellcheck.

The best fruit in the world is pineapple. Fresh pineapple. I ate to much of it and since my mouthhas cuts from the damn braces I have, they burn like hell but pineapple's so good. It's addicting.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except, you know, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th seasons of MacGyver on DVD and a large amount of books and pillows. But I do NOT own Spider-Man, the uncanny X-men, the Juggernaut. Or cake. I wish I had cake.

Announcer: And now for another exciting and thrilling episode of Spider-Man and His Not So Amazing Friends and Sometimes Maybe The X-men...and More Recently, the Juggernaut. Actually, I lied. It's not exciting. Or thrilling. Ha! Got you, bitches.

We find Spider-Man and His Not So Amazing Friends in their not so secret hideout, hiding from the X-men with the pizza they have acquired...

X-men: (burst into the room) We've come to save the day!

Spider-Man: No, you CAN'T HAVE OUR PIZZA.

Xavier: Err...it's a poisonous pizza. We've come to save you from it!

Iceman: Nice try, Charlie.

Xavier: DON'T CALL ME CHARLIE, YOU LITTE FU--

Firestar: The pizza's gone, anyway.

X-men: DAMN!

Spider-Man: But we've ordered cake, so if you wanna stick around--

Nightcrawler: _**YES! Cake**_!

Beast: You...ordered cake?

Iceman: Is there an echo in here?

(Suddenly the door bursts open and the Juggernaut come through)

Juggernaut: I'm the _Juggernauuuut_!

Spider-Man: Actually, we knew that.

Juggernaut: Oh..really?

Storm: Yes, and for once it wasn't Beast who pointed out the painfully obvious...

Beast: Are you _implying_--

Juggernaut: God, you guys are boring..so, which one of you can kill and/or hurt?

Everyone: **KITTY**!

Xavier: Guys..she's dead _already_. Remember? With that thing? With Magneto and the pizza?

Firestar: Oh right. Which reminds me--(starts making out with Iceman again)

Spiderman: Ew, get a room.

Cyclops: The scary part is that they already do.

Everyone: (shudder)

Beast: Iceman...I..I thought that we had something..special..

Everyone but Iceman and Firestar who are too busy: (stares at him)

Beast: (cough) I mean..so, when's the cake getting here?

Juggernaut: OMG. Hey, if you give me cake I won't kill one of you.

Xavier: Deal.

(pause)

Xavier:..On second thought, have some cake and kill Spider-Man.

Spider-Man: WHAT! This is my show. It's called Spider-Man and the ridiculously long show title!

Doorbell: (rings)

Spider-Man: Right...must be the cake! DON'T KILL ME!

Everyone: CAKE!

Iceman: I love cake!

Firestar: (glares at him)

Iceman: Did I say 'I love cake'? I'm pretty sure I said 'I love Firestar'. Right, guys?

Everyone else: Yeah whatever. (eats cake)

Beast: No, Iceman, you said, "I love ca-"

Iceman: (freezes him)

Juggernaut: Yum. Good cake. Where'd you get cake?

Spider-Man: Doctor Doom. He and Doc Ock make the best cakes.

Wolverine: You don't think it a bit odd that your arch enemies are selling you cake?

Spider-Man: What? Oh, never. Ock's such a dear. Gives me a discount and everything. Why should I worry?

Storm: Well, for one thing they could poison it...

(pause)

Spider-Man: You won't believe this..but I never thought of that..hmmm..

Xavier: Actually, Spider-Man, that's not too hard to believe, considering it's you we're talking about.

Cyclops: (with his mouth full of cake) Fah, sheryushly, chude, fet cha boo.

Spider-Man: What the hell is that supposed to mean? Are you calling me stupid in, like, German or something?

Cyclops: I said, 'Yeah, seriously, dude, get a clue'. Ahem.

Spider-Man: Oh. Okay then..

(beeping is heard)

Spider-Man: (gasp) It's the Spidey signal! Someone needs me!

Wolverine: Who on earth would need--

Nightcrawler: "Spidey signal" sounds alot like "Bat signal." Is it, like, a ripoff?

Spider-Man: No, I have a patent and everything. (shows them a piece of paper)

Storm: Spider-Man, that's a piece of paper saying that Peter Parker graduated from the 4th grade...

Spider-Man: Yeah, that took me a while..I mean, took _him_ a while..

Announcer: Next time, on Spider-Man and the ridiculously long show title!

**Beast: I wish you guys would stop being so mean to me.**

**Wolverine: And people in hell want ice water.**

AN: Really. Come on. Review.You know you want to. You could even suggest something.

And I love Beast. I just love being mean to him, too.

I want to marry Spider-man. (sigh)


	3. Vs The Green Goblin!

AN: Thanks to KitKat514 and Kevageit for the reviews.

Usually I have a hard copy (on paper with pen and all) of my chapters, but not now. I just typed it. But whatever. This one is longer then all the rest. Sweet.

_I love Spider-Man._

Disclaimer: I don't own Spidey or the Xmen or Beast. But I really would like to. _Seriously_.

Announcer:..Oh..yeah..Today on Spider-Man and His Not So Amazing Friends and Sometimes Maybe The X-men and More Recently The Juggernaut VS THE GREEN GOBLIN! and ...whatever. Just listen up, kids: **TODAY SPIDERMAN DIES**. Yes, that's right..._slowly and painfully_...haha...No, I'm joking..I only wish...actually, today he's just fighting some guy who doesn't like him. Which doesn't narrow it down at all. Not alot of people like him...

Cyclops: Spider-Man, I really don't like you.

Spider-Man: Aw. Why not?

Cyclops: You're just...y'know...screw it, weren't you supposed to go save someone?

Spider-Man: **OMG** MARYJANE.

Firestar: Who?

Spider-Man: Good question...well right, I suppose I ought to get out there and save her from..who is itthis time?

Wolverine: (looks at script) Er..Sandman? No, that's not right...Green Goblin. Yes, that's it.

Spider-Man: Oh, Normy. Always getting into trouble.

Iceman: Spider-Man, have you ever thought about..not being nice to your opponents?

Wolverine: Like, I suggest killing them. Brutally. No, slaughtering them. Brutally slaughtering them. That's better.

Iceman: (stares at him) Actually I meant more like..well, that'd do the trick, wouldn't it?

Wolverine: (growl) I'm sure it would.

Everyone: (backs away slowly from him)

(they leave and go to "fight" the Green Goblin)

Spider-Man:..(out of breath from webslinging) I hate this job. I don't get paid enough.

Iceman: Spidey, you don't get paid at all.

Spider-Man: My point exactly.

Green Goblin: Ahem?

Spider-Man: Oh right..Hey, Goblin. Gimme back whoever you've taken from me in a plot to lure me here so you can defeat me.

Green Goblin: This time I've got your...AUNT MAY!

Aunt May: You greenbastard.

Spider-Man: (gasp)

Everyone else besides Beast: (gasp)

Beast: You know, that's not too original. I mean, how many times have you taken Aunt May? And Spider-Man got her back?

Green Goblin: Too many times to count! (evil laugh) (cough)

Xavier: (drools) Aunt May...what a PILF.

Beast: What's that mean?

Storm: Ohmygawd, are you that much of an idiot?

Cyclops: PILF: Parker I'd Like to Fu--

Spider-Man: EW EW EW SHUUT UUUP!

Cyclops: Like a MILF. You know.

Spider-Man: SHUT UP!

Cyclops: Or, PIWF. Parker You Wanna--

Spider-Man: (webs him)

Storm: Right..thanks, Spidey.

Iceman: I can't believe that, you, Beast, didn't know what that meant. Everyone says you're a genius, but I'm not that sure.

Everyone: (laughs)

Beast: I wish you guys weren't so mean to me.

Wolverine: And people in hell want ice water, too.

Juggernaut: I wish you'd shut up.

Wolverine: I wish he'd shut up, too.

Juggernaut: Actually I was talking about you, Wolverine.

Wolverine: OH NO YOU DIDN'T.

Juggernaut: Oh yes I did.

Wolverine: (attacks him)

Green Goblin: Excuse me?

Spider-Man: What? Oh! Hey, you Green-thing..give me back Aunt May!

Xavier: Or give her to me!

Aunt May: Screw Spidey, give me to _him_!

Spider-Man: **EW EW BAD IMAGES BAAD IMAGES!**

Cyclops: Ha. (suddenly his glasses fall off and lasers hit a building)

Building: _**FWOOSHAAA**_! (falls over on a group of schoolchildren and elderly people and a group of mimes:

Schoolchildren, elderly people: ARGH NOO! (are crushed and killed instantly)

Group of mimes: (frantic hand movements) (are crushed and killed)

Cyclops: (puts his glass back on) Damn. That keeps happening.

Beast: And you don't do anything about it?

Cyclops: Er...should I?

Beast: Well, yes, because---

Iceman: Jesus, Beast, shut up! (freezes him)

Cyclops: Thanks, Icey.

Iceman: (glare) Don't call me Icey.

Cyclops: Ahh..okay..

Firestar: Icey, you look handsome today.

Iceman: Thanks, honey.

Wolverine: (stares at collapses building and scattered corpses glumly) And to think, I could of killed those people.

Juggernaut: Hey, weren't we fighting?

Wolverine: Yeah. But I won.

Juggernaut: Really?

Wolverine: Yeah. Seriously. Remember?

Juggernaut: Oh…right. No, actually, I'm pretty sure I won—

Wolverine: (knocks him out) Ha, I won!

Iceman: Great job, Wolverine.

Wolverine:Was that sarcastic?

Xavier: (knocks out Green Goblin with his MIND POWERS and saves Aunt May)

Aunt May: _Ohhh_, thank you, Charlie.

Xavier: May…let's have dinner.

Spider-Man: SHUUUT UUP!  
Angel: Hello everyone.

Cyclops: **WTF**. Angel, where you been?

Angel: Oh, you know. The usual. Eating people.

Everyone: (stares at him)

Angel: (cough) Ha! Got you! I was at Kitty's funeral.

Everyone: Kitty?

Angel: Remember? That one girl? Who went through walls?

Everyone: OH YEAH!

Angel: I was the only one there.

Cyclops: How unsurprising.

Spider-Man: Right, well since I have successfully diverted this crisis, I'm off to go and go BOWLING!

Nightcrawler: Sweet, can we come? I love bowling.

Wolverine: That's because you cheat.

Nightcrawler: You can't **PROVE A THING**.

Announcer: See? Nobody died. Not exciting at all. Next time, ON SPIDER-MAN!

**Spider-Man: I don't want Beast on my team!**

**Storm: WELL, I don't want him either!**

**Beast: (tear) (sad face)**

AN: The PIlF/MILF/MIWF idea-thing came from today when I was talking with a friend. She said her mom was on a MIWF list and one of the other kids near us was like, "What's a MIWF?" and I am like, "Oh, like MILF, right?" And she was all yes.

Also, I want to get a Spider-Man dog collar. (I wear dog collars, it's just a thing I have) and does anyone actually know if they exist? Because that would rock.

Review review review! Reviews make me work (if you can call it that) faster and ANY SUGGESTION ARE SO EFFING WELCOME.

I had forgotten about Angel till now. Next time there's gonna be Gambit because I love him almost as much as Angel or Spider-Man.

Do you think I should bring Batman or Superman in? I know near nothing about them.


	4. Introducing the Hulk!

AN: It took me awhile to type this, because my friends kept on interrupting me over MSN messenger, there fore making it impossible to type this.

Also, I was punching the wall because I was angry, so my hand hurts and all.

Announcer: TODAY on Spider-Man and His Not So Amazing Friends and Sometimes Maybe the X-men and More Recently..shit, you know what? I _QUIT, BITCHE_S. You're all jerks. And idiots. Especially Beast!

Spider-Man: Wha..you can't QUIT, BECAUSE YOU'RE _FIRED_.

Announcer: No, I quit!

Spider-Man: No, you're fired.

Announcer: **Fuck you**!

Spider-Man: I don't need you! The Hulk is just as capable as you.

Hulk: (grunt grunt) **HULK GOOD 'NNOUNCER!**

Announcer: WhatEV. You NEED me.

Spider-Man: No way IN HELL...Hulk, go ahead.

Hulk: **SPIDEY 'N FRIENDS GO BOWL**.

Spider-Man: Thank you, Hulk. That was wonderful.

Hulk: I'm very glad to be appreciated...I mean, **HULK HAPPY**.

Spider-Man: So, X-men, my friends, and the Juggernaut, want to come bowling?

Iceman and Firestar: Sure. We always beat you, anyway.

X-men: Meh.

Juggernaut: Sorry. I gotta go rampage some small civilizations just for the hell of it. (runs off and crushes a lot of clowns in the process)

Everyone: Aww, see ya.

Spider-Man: **_TO THE SPIDEY-MOBILE!_**

Nightcrawler: First the Spidey signal, now the Spidey mobile. Geez, don't you have anything _not_ copied off of Bat--

Spider-Man: Don't say his name! I HAVE ISSUES WITH MY CHILDHOOD, DON'T MAKE ME FACE THEM.

Firestar: Oh, please, Spider-Man, not the Spidey mobile!

Storm: What's the Spidey mobile?

Iceman: It's a pink and green Gremlin missing its rear fender, the passenger doors, brakes, and it lets out poisonous gas emissions into the air.

Cyclops: You're fucking with me.

Beast: (to himself, sighing) I only wish..

Cyclops: No car is _that_ screwed up.

Iceman: Lo and behold, _the _Spidey mobile.

Spidey mobile: (sits there for a minute then blows a front tire)

Spider-Man: Shit not AGAIN! (webs the car)...Well, since the Spidey mobile is out of service--

Iceman: (mumbling) Was it ever **IN** service?

Spider-Man: Are there any other modes of transportation?

Cyclops: There _IS_ the X-jet..

Wolverine...**_I LOVE THE X-JET_**!

Cyclops: Or, more commonly used, the X-car.

Firestar: What is it?

Cyclops: It's a brand new sleek black Hummer 3 with leather interior, seats 10, with the most horsepower you can get under a hood, and it has a surround sound system.

Spider-Man: I **hate** you.

Cyclops: Up yours.

Everyone: (climbs into X-car)

Spider-Man: (glares)

Angel: _Dude,_ me and my wings don't fit. How am I supposed to get there?

(awkward pause)

Storm: Uh...your wings..?

Angel: Oh **HELLS YEAH**. See _you_ suckers later. (flys off)

Gambit: Boy, ishe flighty...get it? _Flighty_?

Wolverine: Gah, what a bad pun.

(they get to the bowling alley, which also serves as bar/ diner/ casino/ arcade)

Gambit: I'm..gonna go play..poker. (twitch) (walks off to go gamble)

Wolverine: There's **BEER** here.

Storm: Hey, aren't you in AA?

Wolverine: Was in AA. _WAS_. (stalks off)

Spider-Man: Let's pick teams! I want Iceman and Firestar and Nightcrawler!

Cyclops: I want Storm and Angel and..Bishop.

Bishop: I so totally just go here, **yo**.

Spider-Man: From where?

Bishop: **_THE FUTURE_**!

Spider-Man: Meh...Good enough for me. You're scary.

Beast: What about me?

Spider-Man: I don't want Beast on my team!

Cyclops: Well I don't him either.

Beast: (sigh) I guess I'll just go play poker with Gambit..

Gambit: Nuh uh, brutha.

Beast: Maybe I'll go drink with Logan..

Wolverine: (roaring at a crowd) I'LL KILL YOU ALL!

Cyclops: Yes, please, go drink with Logan.

Beast: Er, nevermind. (wanders off looking lonely)

Spider-Man: _I_ want the red bowling ball!

Nightcrawler: No, **I **want the red bowling ball!

Hulk as announcer: **HULK WANNA BE MEAN TO BEAST, TOO!**

Spider-Man: Maybe later.

Hulk: **NEXT TIME ON SPIDEY!**

Magneto: I've come to ruin your day!

Spider-Man: Grr. Why?

Magneto:...I feel left out. (sad face)

AN: Poor Beast and Magneto.

Review, fools!

I mean…my wonderful readers.

Yay, Angel and Gambit! They're my favorite…Contrary to popular belief, I do like Beast. It's just so fun to be mean to him.


	5. Magneto comes and ruins the day!

AN: I have three reviews. Five chapters. It just doesn't add up. Well, at least I know someone likes his. Going out to KibaSin, because, hell, she likes it.

Hulk: **HULK ANGRY!**

Spider-Man: Why, Hulk?

Hulk: **I WANT PIE!**

Spider-Man: Here's a dollar. Go enjoy yourself.

Hulk:_ **ONE**_** DOLLAR?**

Spider-Man: On second thought...here's five.

Hulk: **YAY! SPIDEY 'N FRIENDS STILL BOWLIN'. 'CEPT METAL GUY THERE. ARGGHHH!**

Beast: Hey, that sounds like warping metal. Wonder what that could mean...

Cyclops: Jesus, Beast, can't you figure anything out?

Magneto: (evil laugh)

Everyone but Wolverine: _Ahh_! It's Magneto!

Wolverine: MORE BEER!

Magneto: I've come to ruin your day and throw a bowling ball at Beast!

Spider-Man: Why?

Magneto: _I hate Beast_. Why else?

Spider-Man: No, why do you want to ruin our day?

Magneto: ...I feel left out.

Beast: (mumbling) Join the club, we meet on Tuesdays.

Magneto: (chucks a bowling at him) GRR! I HATE YOU!

Cyclops: We all do.

Magneto: Really? I don't feel so left out, now. Can I bowl with you?

Cyclops: You can be on my team!

Bishop: I gotsta be going anyway, homedawg. Catch you on the flip side.

Spider-Man: On...the flip...side..dawg. Right. Bye!

Bishop: (disappears in a flash of light)

Spider-Man: Sweet. How DOES he do that?

Cyclops: It's a future thing, I think.

Beast: **Or maybe he's just smarter then you.**

Magneto: SHUT UP! (throws another bowling ball at him)

Beast: **OW!**

Magneto: (evil laugh)

Iceman: Hey, you're really good at that.

Magneto: Why thank you. It took me awhile to get it just right.

Iceman: It's very nice.

Nightcrawler: Isn't Magneto evil?

(silence)

Everyone:Er..yeah..?

Nighcrawler: Then why aren't we, like, fighting him? Or something.

Magneto: Nah. That whole 'evil dictator' is just to pay the bills. I'm actually a good guy.

Cyclops: I know what you mean. Like, in the day, I'm a super hero, but at night, I'm a stripper!

Everyone: (stares)

Beast:..(glazed look) Really? (sings softly) _I'm in love with a stripper!_

Cyclops: No..ha..it was a joke. (nervous laugh) (cough)

Everyone: Good one, Cyclops!

Beast: (disappointed look)

Nightcrawler: So..who wants to bowl?

Angel: Not me. I wanna play video games!

Spider-Man: Awesome! Me too!

Everyone else except Beast: I love video games!

Beast: I don't.

Cyclops: Which is one of the many reasons why we hate you.

Gambit: (wanders over looking depressed) Hey, guys.

Spider-Man: What's up?

Gambit: Want the good news or the bad news?

Angel: Good news!

Gambit: I just gambled away _7_ thousand dollars.

Everyone: (shocked faces)

Angel: If that's the good news, I don't want to hear the bad news.

Nightcrawler: (hesitant) What.._is _the bad news?

Gambit: I also lost the X-jet.

Everyone: **_WHAT?_**

Cyclops: (crying) Not the X-jet!

Wolverine: (unsheathes his claws) Wanna say that again?

Gambit: Ha! Got you! I actually lost the X-car, but hey, aren't you happy I didn't lose the jet?

Cyclops: YOU _BASTARD_.

Angel: Good joke, though.

Spider-Man: (playing a racing game with Nightcrawler) VROOOM VROOM!

Angel: I need quarters...Storm?

Storm: Get your own! (goes and plays DDR)

Iceman: Damn, she's hot.

Firestar: _What _did you say?

Iceman: I said..damn, she's mean. To Angel. Not..giving him quarters.

Firestar: That's what I thought.

Beast: Here, Angel, you can have some of my quarters.

Angel: I don't want any of your tainted quarters! (backs off)

Kitty Pryde: (walks in) Hey guys!

Wolverine: (drunk) OMG KITTY IMPOSTER MUST DESTROY! (stabs her)

Nightcrawler: Damn you, Spidey. I can't believe you beat me at racing!

Iceman: Hey, I thought Kitty was dead.

Magneto: Whoops, no, I forgot to tell you, Kitty isn't dead.

Beast: You mean 'wasn't' dead. Because she is now.

Magneto: I KNOW WHAT I MEANT! (throws another bowling ball at him)

Cyclops: Well, maybe we can still help her--(his glasses fall off and zap Kitty with his laser-eye beams)--uhm, nevermind. (puts his glasses back on)

Storm: Sometimes I wonder if you ought to get those glasses fixed, Scott.

Cyclops: No.Because, hey, look, I just got rid of Kitty for us. They work perfectly fine.

Storm:…Good point.

Hulk: **NANANA! HULK GOT PIE, NO MORE KITTY, PEOPLE HAPPY! NEXT TIME ON SPIDEY!**

Batman: Hello Spider-Man..or should I say, PETER PARKER!

Spider-Man: BATMAN OMG WTF. I payed you to stay away!

Nightcrawler: Obviously you didn't pay him enough.

AN: My hands hurt from typing..or maybe because I was slamming my fists into the wall again. Whatever. REVIEW, my darling and ever wonderful readers.

Iceman is WHIPPED. Haha. Poor Kitty. Again.


	6. Of Course He's Not Daredevil!

AN: I finally got another chapter up. It entails hardly anything from what I said would happen last time, although it does in Batman a.k.a. Bruce Wayne. KibaSin (go read her stories, now! She'll kill me if I don't say this…) is gonna help with that, because I don't know a lot about the B-man.

And actually hardly anyone is in Heromode today because, uhm, I didn't feel like it.

SpellCheck has a problem with my FRAGMENTED SENTENCES, so it can go take a long walk off a short pier.

Disclaimer: Alas I do not own anyone except a stuffed animal...he's a black lamb named Noah. I luff him.

Bruce Banner: Today, on Spider-Man and His Not So Amazing friends, we find Peter, Bobby, and What's-her-face at court, meeting a lawyer.

Peter: Wait, what?

Bruce: Err, _yeah_. Because Peter got sent to court for assault.

Peter: _NO WAY_.

Bruce: Yes way. I'm the announcer, my word is LAW.

Bobby: But I thought Hulk was the announcer, where'd he go?

Bruce: He, **uhm,** left. That's right. Went to tear up cars and burn down buildings, Hulk stuff like that.

Peter: Oh okay.

Bobby: Good enough for me.

Bruce: So Peter's been charged for sexual harassment. By, oh, Mary Jane. Ha!

Peter: WHAT!

Angelica: Peter, I thought you were gay!

Peter: I'm not—

Bobby: Denial is the first stage, Peter.

Peter: _No, no, no!_

Bruce: Whatever. You're still going to court for something, Peter. And here's Peter's lawyer! He's blind. A_ blind lawyer_...guess which one?

Peter: **Aw**, I got a defective lawyer…

Matt Murdock: Excuse me, I can hear you, I'm _blind,_ not deaf.

Peter: I said**, I GOT A DEFECTIVE LAWYER**.

Matt: And I said you're an idiot. Now, congratulations, Peter Parker, you are being charged with **MURDER**!

Peter: I thought you said—

Matt: Listen to what I am saying now…**ASSAULT**!

Peter: No, you said murder.

Matt: No I said **MURDER**. There's a big difference. It's called **CAPSLOCK**. And besides, I just got the files mixed up with May Parker's…

Peter: Aunt May's being charged with murder?

Matt: DO YOU LISTEN? I said, **MURDER**.

Peter: But how are you reading the files? You're blind.

Matt: It's called Braille, you dumb ass.

Bobby: Hey, isn't that illegal, telling someone about someone else's file?

Matt: It's also illegal, Bobby Drake—or should I say _JOSE_--- to cross the border without a passport.

Bobby: ….ahh….So what is Peter being charged for, again?

Matt: Oh, just assault. How many times have I said that?

Angelica: 3 times.

Matt: You can't count. It was 4.

Peter: Who's charging me?

(pause)

Matt: **Bruce Wayne**.

(Cue ominous music)

Bruce Banner: Like, _WTF_, I know. Now to the X-Men...for something_…?_

X-Men: **GO SEE OUR NEW MOVIE**. GUESS WHO DIES?

Bruce: DON'T TELL ME, I haven't seen it yet.

Beast: You were going to go see it in the first place?

X-Men: STAN LEE is in it. He said if we didn't say that, he'd KILL US.

Stan Lee: _GRR I WANNA BE ANNOUNCER_.

Spidey: NO!

Bruce Banner: Okey-dokey then...back to the criminal Peter!

Peter: I'm innocent, I tell ya, Blind Lawyer!

Matt Murdock: That's what the guilty people say…of course, that's also what the innocent people say….AND I HAVE A NAME. It's Daredev—Matt Murdock.

Peter: Did you say Daredevil?

Matt: No, I'm your lawyer, I couldn't POSSIBLY be Daredevil, don't question me, I DIDN'T SAY DAREDEVIL.

Bobby: Of course he's not Daredevil. He is, after all, _blind_.

Matt: -cough- Right.

(pause)

Peter: Okay then.

Angelica: I'm hungry.

Bobby: You're anorexic, you don't eat.

Angelica: Shut up, Bobby!

Peter: Go suck a lemon, Angelica.

Angelica: That doesn't make sense...**I HATE YOU ALL!** (starts crying, runs away)

Matt: She could so sue you.

Peter: Don't tell her that.

Matt: Hmm. So, you're pleading innocent. Do you have any witnesses?

Peter: Does _he?_ Who the hell is he, anyway?

Matt: Some rich bitch from Gotham City.

Bobby: Oh. Interesting…

Peter: Never heard of him.

Matt: Huh. Well, he called you a lunatic who attacked him on the street last Friday.

Bobby: So that's where you were.

Peter: I didn't do it!

Matt: Yeah, that'll go over well in court of law.

Peter: Really?

Matt: I was being _sarcastic_.

Peter: …It'll work, then?

Matt: (pause) No.

Peter: (sad face)

Matt: (whispers to Bobby) Is he really that stupid?

Bobby: Yes.

Matt: Oh dear, I might as well give up your case right now.

Peter: Wh_yyy_? (whines)

Matt…because you're ugly.

Peter: AM NOT. Oh, wait, you're blind!

Matt: (gasp)

(awkward pause)

Matt: Kay then, Peter, you are, in fact, being sent to jail if you don't break bail. That totally rhymed.

Peter: But I spent all my money on hookers and suspicious chemicals that I use to make my webs…er, drugs!

Matt: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Bye, Bobby! And... Peter.(tries to leave, walks into wall, then leaves)

Peter: Ha-ha, BLIND LAWYER!

Matt: I'm still _your_ lawyer!

Peter: I mean...BYE MR. MURDOCK!

Bobby: Gosh he's weird.

Peter: And blind. Let's laugh.

Bobby and Peter: (laugh)

Matt: I CAN STILL HEAR YOU.

(pause)

Bobby: Let's shut up now.

Peter: Yeah good idea.

Mean Prison Guy: TO JAIL YOU GO! (handcuffs Peter)

Peter: AHH SAVE ME BOBBY!

Bobby: Sorry, too kinky for my taste.

Bruce Banner: AND NEXT TIME I SPIDER-MAN AND HIS NOT SO AMAZING FRIENDS…wait, I'm not on that one…I thought I WAS IN THAT ONE! GRR! Don't make me angry….you won't like me when I'm angry! (changes into Hulk and stomps on children)

AN: Fun fun fun.

There's no promising that it'll be the same plot in the next chapter. But I hope Bruce Wayne.

And, if you noticed the horrible continuity in this, then congrats.

OMD DID YOU SEE THE NEW X-MEN MOVIE! LIKE WTF. Did you watch until AFTER the credits? Because it's awesome. But, like, I can't tell you. Uhm. I HEART ANGEL. Gambit wasn't in it. Although, they offered the part of Gambit to Josh Holloway, he's the guy who plays Sawyer on Lost (ILOVE THAT SHOW.) But he refused the part because he said "it was too similar" to his character on Lost. Excuse me, but Sawyer does not have incredibly awesome powers like Gambit. OR DOES HE...?

This funny: Microsoft Word thinks NO WAY is a road. It's like, "Address: No Way."

Remember, my darlings, review.

Or tell me if you know who's going to be the villain the the new Spidey movie. I thought Venom, but there was a pic of the guy who's the Sandman on the website. It's in a year, anyway.


	7. Sorry, Wrong Shadow

AN: I love this part. Finally. Thanks to KibaSin for helping me with this. She hearts InuYasha. And Sesshoumaru. That's how you spell it, right?

So I ate a cookie while typing this. Yum.

Disclaimer: How many times have I said this? Don't answer that.

Spider-Man: _Wha_---? Where am I? Oh, yes, that blasted Bat stuck me in here! Wait... no, the nightmares! (huddles into a little ball in the jail cell crying)

Jailer: Stop making such a racket, you moronic man! Besides, you're not fit to wear tights!

Spidey: _AM TOO_!

Jailer: And you're ugly!

Spidey: Stop it!

Jailer: And you have a high-pitched voice!

Spidey: NOOOO!

Jailer: Oh, yeah, also, you're...**FAT**!

Spidey: No, it can't be true!

Jailer: You know it to be true...look inside yourself..._I AM YOUR FATHER_!

Spider-Man: Wait...what?

(dream sequence ends, Peter wakes up in a jail cell)

Stan Lee: Hey look everyone, Peter's in jail!

Peter: I THOUGHT I **FIRED** YOU!

Stan Lee: Yeah, you did, but now, since you're in jail, you have no rights whatsoever, and the X-Men, who now have your rights, hired me back. _ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL_? I can eat again and feed my children.

Peter: I didn't know you were married.

Stan Lee: I'm not, I just like hookers.

Peter: Understandable.

Stan Lee: Kthen so you're in jail...Firestar's getting laid...

Peter: Again?

Stan Lee: Yeah. Again. IT WAS GOOD WHILE IT LASTED, FIRESTAR!

Firestar: Like, ew.

Stan Lee: That's what they all say. So, Iceman's in Australia melting, too.

Peter: WHAT?

Stan Lee: No, joking, he's talking to your blind lawyer.

Matt Murdock: Is that all I am to you? A _blind lawyer_?

Stan Lee, Bobby, Peter: Duh.

Matt Murdock: Well, I could always just NOT help you, Peter.

Peter: I'm just kidding. You're great, really.

Stan Lee: Uh huh. Did I mention you're in _jail_, Peter?

Peter: Right, right...

Peter's Cell Mate: **Hello, darling**.

Peter: ...save me.

Stan Lee: And now we go to the X-Men. Why? Because they're slightly more interesting then Peter.

Peter: Nuh uh.

X-Men: Whatev. We so are. Watch!

Beast: Where's Cyclops?

Wolverine: **_BEER_!**

Gambit:..._poker_..._blackjack_..._hit me_..._aces, aces_...

Jean Grey: Scott!

Scott: Jean!

Jean: Scott!

Scott: Jean!

Jean: Wolverine!

Scott: Beast!

Jean: What?

Scott: What?

Angel: Dude.

Xavier: Bitchin'.

Storm: Idiots. BURN!

Bishop: Yo.

Nightcrawler: Poof.

Magneto: Egomaniacal!

Gambit: Aces!

Wolverine: Did I mention, **BEER**?

X-Men: YES!

Stan Lee: That just about sums up the X-Men.

Peter: Uhm excuse me...I'm still in jail...

Matt Murdock: Time to...go to court!

Stan Lee: Go to court, then.

(at court)

Bruce Wayne: PETER PARKER, you freaking lunatic.

Peter Parker: BRUCE WAYNE...I don't like you.

Bruce: Tough words from such a small man.

Peter: I'm just as tall as you.

Bruce: But I have muscles.

Bobby: **BURN**.

Peter: (cries)

Bruce: Baby.

Alfred: Excuse me, Master Bruce, court is about to start...

Peter: Who're you?

Alfred: I'm Alfred. Master Wayne's butler. See the nametag?

Peter: What nametag---oh, it's a joke. I get it.

Alfred: Sure you do.

Bruce Wayne: You're going DOWN, Peter Parker.

Peter: _No_, you are.

Alfred: Please don't get him started...

Bruce: _No_, you are!

Alfred: Great.

Peter: _No_, you are!

Bruce: _No_, you are!

(20 minutes later)

Peter: _No_, you are!

Bruce: _No_, you are!

Judge: Uhm, hey guys you missed the court session.

Bruce and Peter: **What?**

Alfred: Yes.

Bruce: Whatever. I forgot what it was for, anyway.

Peter: You charged me for assault and called me a crazy lunatic.

Bruce: **What**! No, not you, _best buddy_.

Peter and Bobby: (confused look)

Alfred: (whispering to Peter and Bobby) Master Wayne is bipolar and has a small case of schizophrenia and short term memory loss. For instance, he thinks his parents were killed about 15 years ago.

Peter: My parents were killed too!

Alfred: No, Mr. Parker, his parents weren't actually killed, they moved to Boston and then left him a note but Master Wayne can't read so he never got it and they call every week but he thinks it's the aliens trying to trick him. There's no convincing him.

Peter: (not listening) Uh huh.

Bruce: Like, come to my fancy mansion.

Peter: _Niiice_. Really?

Bruce. Totally.

Matt Murdock: Where the **_hell_** have you been? **COURT WAS 20 MINUTES AGO**!

Peter: How can you tell, you can't see a clock.

Matt: I am going to **SUE** you for harassment.

Bruce: Chill. I dropped the charges, anyway.

Matt: Really.

Bruce: Uh huh. Come to my mansion.

Matt...what?

Bruce: What?

Matt:...nevermind.

Bruce: Come to my mansion.

Peter: (to Alfred) Why does he keep saying that?

Alfred: Master Wayne gets lonely.

Peter: Isn't that why he has _you_?

Alfred: (death glare) Are you implying something?

Peter: Maybe.

Bobby: HE'S SAYING HE THINKS YOU'RE GAY

Alfred:...

Peter: Like, **OMG**. He didn't deny it.

Bruce: Come to my mansion.

Peter: Totally.

Matt: I'm coming, too!

(later, at Bruce's mansion)

Peter: Wow, it's a mansion.

Alfred: Indeed.

Stan Lee: Okay the rest is boring. Basically, Bruce is all, _COME TO MY MANSION_, Peter and Bobby are all _WE'RE ALREADY HERE_, Matt's all _DUDE WHAT'S GOING ON I CAN'T SEE_, and then Alfred's all _INDEED_.

(Peter and Bobby go back home)

Peter: Well, that was weird.

Bobby: I want a _mansion_.

Angelica: The Spidey signal's been going off for hours.

Peter: _WHAAT_!

Angelica: Yup.

Peter: Come on, Spidey friends!

Angelica and Bobby: Whatever.

Stan Lee: So they suit up and go to the roof of a very tall building. Why? Because there's a robbery going on and the police can't climb buildings and their helicopters have been stolen. I don't know how...but they have.

Robber: Man, I broke into this building and came to the roof when I remembered I'm afraid of heights.

Spider-Man: Stop there, villain!

Robber: Hey, man, I only took a –(is knocked out by a flying billy club)

Iceman: **WOAH** that wasn't ours.

Spider-Man: (webs the robber) Ha ha!

Iceman: (ices him)

Firestar: (stands around sighing)

Spider-Man: Hmm. I wonder who threw that billy club.

Daredevil: (stepping out from shadows) It was me.

Spidey friends: (gasp)

Daredevil: You guys aren't the only super heroes in town.

Batman: (also stepping out from shadows) That's right.

Spider-Man:..apparently not.

Iceman: Ooh, we should start a club!

Spider-Man, Daredevil, Batman: No.

Darth Vader: (stepping out of shadows) _Luke_…

Others: (stare)

Vader: Sorry, I must have stepped out of the wrong shadows…

Daredevil: It's an _easy_ mistake.

Batman: There **are** a lot of shadows here.

Spider-Man: _Too_ many… OH NO IT MUST BE SHADOW MAN!

Batman: Wait, who's Shadow Man?

Spider-Man: You know…Shadow Man! He's…a shadow…

Daredevil: You're probably getting confused with _your_ shadow.

Spider-Man: No, he's **real**!

Iceman: Right.

Daredevil: Who would have any objections if I shoved Spider-Man here off the building?

(silent pause)

Spider-Man: **Uh.** I would.

Daredevil: You don't count.

Spider-Man: Why not?

Daredevil: Because you **ARE** Spider-Man.

Spider-Man: No, I'm Pet…yes, that's right.

X-Men: (lands X-Jet on the roof and get out) Hey, Spider friends!

Batman: (starts throwing little cutty disc things) **DIE, INFIDELS**!

Daredevil: (gets out his billy club)

X-Men: _WTF_.

Wolverine: (unsheathes claws) Do you really think you can fight all of us with a freaking billy club?

Daredevil: (pause)…**no**.

Spider Friends: Yo, X-men, what up?

X-Men: We're bored.

Batman: Uhm, are you guys, like, friends?

X-Men: _We_ wouldn't say so.

Magneto: Ahh. I feel left out again.

Xavier: Don't you have a brotherhood of some sort?

Magneto: (sigh) They're at a party…they didn't invite me.

Xavier: I can understand that, I've been to parties with you.

Magneto: Good times, good times…

Beast: This is boring.

Wolverine: Wanna get shoved off the roof?

Beast: No.

Daredevil: He's right, it _is_ boring.

Other X-Men: **HE AGREES WITH BEAST! GET HIM!**

Daredevil: (disappears into the shadows) _Argh!_

Spider-Man: THE **SHADOW MAN** ATE HIM

Shadow Man: **MWAHAHAH! I SHALL EAT YOU ALL!**

Spider-Man: I _TOLD YOU_ HE WAS **REAL**!

Stan Lee: So, the end. Shadow Man—who, yes, is real—eat them and they die and/or get sent to Tokyo with their memories erased…kidding! I wish. Next time on Spider-Man and His Not So Amazing Friends, figure out if they eaten or not. You know they won't, what's the point. Morons.

AN: Shadow Man...DUN DUN DUNNN.

Like, review, dudes.

I've got to go eat dinner. NOODLES! And CHIPS AND CHOCOLATE. Not together, of course. Did you know, they stopped showing Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends in the morning? Now I have nothing to live for...except Power Rangers. I love Power Rangers. MARRY ME TOMMY THE WHITE RANGER! Oh right...he's the Red Ranger now, cuz they went Zeo on Zordon's ass. I think. I never actually get to watch the whole episode, because I have to go toschool. Sad.

Did I mention, REVIEW!


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